If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
