I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
