flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
