I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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