shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
