so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
