OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
