I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
