he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
