my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize