a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
