Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
