at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
