Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize