so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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