that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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