How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
