his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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