I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
