remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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