im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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