you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
