Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
