I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My ass is underappreciated
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
