It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
