Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
