i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
