I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
