she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
