And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
