I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
