ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
