I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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