idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
