i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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