I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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