By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
