Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His hands were made for my vagina.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
