So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
