Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
