Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
