The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
