It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
MIDGETS
????
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
