i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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