I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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