STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize