We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize