im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
