the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
