I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
