she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
