highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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