dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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