Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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