How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
