I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
