are you still at the devil's house?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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