Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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