I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I licked your asshole in confidence.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
