I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
