guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
