remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
