Your tits are I can't wait for
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize