I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
