He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
