ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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