he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize