I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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