I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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