I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize