Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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