I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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