I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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